I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize
