now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
