If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Can I color on your dick again?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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