Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i already hear my dad disowning me
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
