i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
