but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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