I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
