My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
