I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
