I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
