we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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