My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
