Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
