My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
