Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
