were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
