I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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