four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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