his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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