I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
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Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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