Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
