He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
