Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
