How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
