idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
