new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
