lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
