he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
