My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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