You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
