Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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