These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
