my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
