True but thats because hes a fetus.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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