he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
