which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
