So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
me + whiskey = a bad person
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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