I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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