I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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