his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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