non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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