its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
