I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
You're earring is so big in my mouth
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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