yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
