i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize