i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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