You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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