Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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