five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
