He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
well you can't waste a boner
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
