There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
