Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Girls should come with a carfax report
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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