I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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