I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
