My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
