After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
