she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
