went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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