hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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