Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
