Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
