I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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