Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
