She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
