Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Randomize
