I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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