If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
