Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
