Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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