I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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