Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
