so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
