after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
