That's intense
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
