are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Randomize
