Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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