I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
